Football Manager has managed to stop the clock, the calendar. Time has ceased to move on. Time has acquired its own sense of values, speed, dimension. Even though it is FM 2011, time has skirted through to 2019, and I am still with Wycombe Wanderers.

But, the grapevine has been greased and Football Manager 2014 is soon to be released, and this fanatic, curiously, cannot wait. But why? I have hopes and dreams of some improvements, though not comprehending the changes wrought in 2012 and 2013 – but notwithstanding, I have a few hopes for FM2014.

Now, football oriented minds far superior to mine have already waxed lyrical of their wants and needs and hopes for the new release. To expound upon these views would merely be re-hashing Santa’s Christmas list. But, yes, of course, I would love to see better and more in-depth team talks; individual player heart-to-hearts; training to make a real valid difference for players; and much more diverse questioning during press conferences.

But … I would love for FM2014 to be much more Aesthetically Pleasing ! (as well)

As someone who has taken Christopher Lloyd’s advice in ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest’ to heart (“play the game, play the game”) – I always play the whole match through – love the match engine ! – I really feel it would be a gem if Sega sharpened up a wee bit in their visual area.

Introduction – Stadium – Walk On

In FM2011, match play begins directly from the kick-off. There are no close-ups of players nor introductions. I just feel it would be nice to see an opening scene outside the stadium, and then switch inside the park to the teams walking out onto the pitch, dissolving to a view of the opening line-ups, similar to the one we see whilst watching the telly. I believe it would be a neat lead in touch and one to really set up the match for those of us  who play the match engine all the way to see how our game plan works (or does not, for that matter – and attempt corrections during the match)

Shirt Numbers and Closeups

In FM2011, we are asked, as manager, to assign shirt numbers to each player – yet just what does this mean ? Not very much, I dare say ! We never see nary one numbered shirt during the match – they very rarely, if ever, come into play. I feel a close-up or two during stoppages in the match – a player scooting over to take a corner – the free kick specialist lingering over a 30 yarder – the goalkeeper brushing the snow flakes from his eyelashes on a cold January night – would add visually to the game. It would also give us a sighting of the shirt / team logo plus a name / number on the back.

Substitutions

Here, I believe, yet another area for visual improvement. In FM2011, we have to be eagle-eyed and very alert to be sure just when the opposition makes a substitution. It turns up on the bottom of the screen on the ticker tape – that is, if it is acknowledged at all. Subs are important ! And many times I have been caught out unawares – the other side may have already made all three of their changes. I feel it would be good, and sensible, to show us the change. For instance, one player coming off over to the bench, and replaced (with a handshake) by the player coming on, and on the screen the numbers and names of the players thus affected should also be shown. This way, we who watch the entire match engine, will know the exact point of the change, and can adjust and adapt immediately, if need be.

Press

I would like to see a visual press conference. That is, the manager standing at the podium with various news-hounds in attendance. We could point at each of them for their questions and they would be recognised as either local/national/international from either newspaper/radio/television media. Their questioning would be much more in-depth and diverse than it is now. We would have a much larger range of answers for them as well. As of now, we have the very same BOOORRRRRINGGG questions asked yet again and again and yet again. We need more variety and some strange and some in-your-face stumping questions, where we, as manager, can get ourselves into real hot water if we are not careful. In response, it would be brilliant to actually see the headline and the story connected on the ‘sports pages,’ or even the video in the ‘sports tv news’ clip.

This would add more options, more fun, more explaining for us as manager, and more interest in the game itself. It would also accomplish the fact of making press conferences much more fun, have much more meaning, and add more interest to the game, than the present press conference options have at the moment.

Fan Chants

Ok, technically, this does not fall under a visual improvement, but still, I feel, this improvement in the audio portion would be, yes, aesthetically pleasing. Would it not be grand to have the fans singing the club songs and chanting the player’s names? FM2011 sees no players ever fall into the fan’s bad books (not during the match) It would be much more interesting if the fans put some pressure on the player in the match, maybe boo someone in disfavour, and, yes, perhaps even get on the manager’s case too. It would bring more fire into the game – seeing how the player would react, and indeed, how the manager responds to game pressure from the fans.

Touchline Instruction

Whilst the match is in progress, would it not be good to yell instructions from the sidelines? – and not just ATTACK or DEFEND. I would like to also be able to issue instuctions to individual players during the match and not just at halftime or prior to the kick off. Perhaps we can light a fire under a player during the actual match play – might be interesting to see the reaction – perhaps the player can then give us their thoughts at halftime or after the match !

Winning Celebration

Now I am talking about winning big here and not just winning a match – but winning a competition – a trophy – promotion. Now there is nary a flutter – it is life as usual – you would never know we had attained something worthwhile. No ecstasy, no happiness, you would not think you had scaled a height. I really think a good celebration should be in order if your side manages to win something !  The players, fans going wild – a lap of honour – a raucous crowd – some celebration is needed ! Needed when a cup win or even promotion has been achieved ! A cup presentation may be in order too – a really good hearted victory celebration for promotion – the players jumping all over each other. Please, FM14, add something for winning – it is a mountain climbed – and should be celebrated as such (even in the visual format)

Annual General Meeting

Now how about, as manager, attending the AGM for your club. The owner, club chairman, could also be present – along with all the fans. The manager could have a selection of words to say and then the floor could be opened to the fans to ask any and all the questions they wish. Perhaps, it could be set up for 20 to 30 questions from the floor. The fans want to hear the manager in person, and of course, it depends on how the season is progressing as to whether you still have the standing of a hero or could come away from the meeting a wee bit worn and beaten down by the experience. You may just have to try all the harder to get the fans and the team on your side again and pumping all in the one direction. I just feel this would, once again, add lotsa spice to the game. Perhaps a groundswell of negative opinion  will be against you but … but, then again, depending on your performance, the fans will support you even more and act as a bulwark against the Board who are, in fact, itching to have any excuse to cashier you and bring in a new man. We would all have to be nimble on our feet, thinking and answering difficult queries, but we just may come away with more allies and be in a much stronger position. The AGM, I think, would be an interesting addition and bring the fans more into play in the game.

Summary

Perhaps my eight points are pedantic, and useless, to most Football Manager players. After all, the name of the game is to get results (well, to have fun as well!!)  and the end justifies the means. , and let us not get carried away with particulars – let us just burst into the room –and empty our weapon – and scatter the inhabitants !! … and just who – surely – plays the whole match anyway ??? We want to play 20 years as quickly as possible (heh heh) and watching our matches is labelled BORRRINNNGGGGG !!!

So, perhaps, my wish-list is only geared towards those of us in the boring section (heh heh) Yes, I would love to see improved tactical formations; coach talks; better training results – but for those of us – pedantic; slow; cautious – some tweeking audio/visuals would just set our imaginations into overdrive and allow us to saunter into the room –threaten slowly and softly – and charm the inhabitants over to our way of thinking

 The tall tales of Eamonn O’hanlon

To survive and rise !  An eight point plan we  had. Eight points to improve our standing; eight points to raise much needed cash; eight points to improve our squad. And just how did the author of those eight points perform ? Was he good enough to heed his own advice ? And did he survive his first term ?

Now my little bat-friends; my little wanderer friends; my lost wanderers … shall we turn the page? …

• Coaches:
• Scouts:

The key was HIRE SOME MORE !! … and so we did … the team was crying out for both more coaches and scouts, and by October’s end, we had three new coaches on board.

We wanted mental toughness; tactical awareness; and technical ability so our coaches could impart their knowledge and experience to our playing staff. Very happy we were indeed with our new employees; just goes to show who is out there looking for a job … even with a team such as ours .. down here in League Two. In John Murtough (oh we hope he is mucho tough!!) and Keith Ryan, we should be able to upgrade our playing level and become much more competitive.

The Board were very happy for us to add three coaches without question, and we have managed to do just that. Getting them to work straight away with the players will no doubt only help to strengthen the side.

And by the calendar year end 2010, we have also added a couple of scouts to help ferret out more talent. And also … (as you can see) come season’s end 2010/11, my assistant (or rather erstwhile assistant, as it is in the present tense) has left the club via mutual consent. Well, alright then, I actually nudged him toward the exit door, and booted him through it thoroughly once close enough. The falling out?? Well, no, of course it had nought to do with his earning more money than yours truly .. but rather .. you do remember he was tres loyal to his former boss (and also stuck in his, and those old ways) and he would mostly tend to disagree (vehemently) with my selections. So Martin Kuhl and I decided to a parting of the ways (alright – I decided – the joys of being THE boss) and prior to season’s end, Martin became … as the saying goes … history. Better to bring in a happy and new face in the new season to come, someone eager to prove himself, someone not spoiled by the old ways …..

Affiliated Clubs

It took a wee while to obtain our desire. We were twinned with Brentford of the second tier for a while, and then we landed the plum of Tottenham Hotspur. Oh the joy ! They pay us £44,000 per year, chicken feed for them (but we have a lot of chickens here at Wycombe—and some who fancy themselves roosters) We also now get to keep the entire gate receipts when Spurs come to Adams Park for their yearly sold-out friendly. In addition, they will usually loan us a very promising youngster from their ranks and cover 100% of his wages to boot. Nice, very nice.

 Youth

Our youth recruitment policy has always been fairly basic with just the bare bones of facilities. My feeling is, it will take many years of hard slog to build up a half-decent academy. We were turned down by The Board for our request to upgrade. Reason: lack of funds. So the local lads we attract are very low on skills and most likely will not be sticking around very long. They will be wandering but not Wanderers. (unless Bolton or Wolves pick them up J )

My young friend, above, is a case in point. Already 18 years of age, horribly low on technical ability; and no where near the mental strength to feature even in OUR first team. As a defender,  tremendously low in marking; tackling; concentration; technique – oh dearie dearie me !! I could go on and on and on …. Stamina ; strength ….the only thing Man U about Leika is his name !! … and he is about the standard young “starlets” we are attracting to our under-18’s. It is a revolving door policy mostly – in one year and out the next … even offers to other clubs – even those non-league sides – attract not a jot of interest – I don’t think even exceptional coaching can save the first few years crop !  ….

And , I am afraid, it will be quite some years before we have enough spare funds lying around to work on upgrading the facilities, and thus attract the quality of youth we want and need. In the interim, we will have our scouts look for promising youngsters elsewhere and hope to grab a few on ‘a free’ and build up the under-18 squad. – Unless of course, we attract a sugar-daddy (or sweet momma) with deep pockets. Yes, it is going to be a very slow process and methinks we will be fortunate to find two or three youngsters graduate to the first team in the un-for-see-able future.

Friendlies

We had mentioned friendlies, especially home matches, as a good way of obtaining some much needed income. In addition to evaluating your squad and how they perform, friendlies get them into match-shape for the coming season. Don’t forget to arrange matches for your reserve and youth sides as well. And pop down to the under 18 games once in a while and see for yourself just who may be worth a call-up to the big side.

Yes, we arranged quite a few friendlies for the team, with lots at home, and also inaugurated a yearly tournament: ‘the Wycombe friendly cup’; each year in pre-season we will invite three different sides to compete with us in a competition at Adams Park. Its fun, it draws crowds, teams from the world over, and creates some much needed cash for us, all at the same time. It also gives us a glimpse at our players in matches against diversified and top sides, as in future, even premiership sides will be keen to attend.

The Board

If the Board is good enough to hire you in the first place, do not ever be afraid to approach them every so often with a shopping list of your requests. You may wish for more staff – coaches; scouts; physios. Perhaps upgrade the training facilities – perhaps ask for more transfer funds – perhaps a new contract for yourself – perhaps help to sign a really big transfer target you believe will really make a difference. Never be afraid to approach them, they may say ‘no’, but as yet, they could surprise and help out and release funds you thought you were locked away in the vault and would never see the light of day. Although my own Board turned down my, I thought, reasonable request to build a youth academy, they did say ‘yes’ to relaying our mangled pitch; ‘yes’ to requests for more scouts and physios; ‘yes’ to obtain affiliated clubs, both parent and feeder; even ‘yes’ to raising the wage budget !  (although Mr W Rooney still remains out of reach!). So always make the approach, I feel the Board are there to help and not hinder.

Loans

And here, we come to the crux of the matter. It is not only loans, but transfers, and especially,  FREE TRANSFERS, where elevation of the club is paramount. Of course, most times, you do have to free up funds by dumping those you deem unworthy. (oh dear, as in my case with Chris Westwood, among others) … but at least you do not pick up the tab for the loan signings, and well, as regards the frees, one must be circumspect with weekly wages and stay within budget whilst still striving forwards as a club.  Here’s a look at our dealings in the market during our first season.

As you can see, each and every transaction was a FREE. We garnered four loan signings in our first season, including two from Liverpool ! It does not harm to ask the big clubs, as they may be very willing to send their players even to a club in the fourth tier. Also the players themselves sometimes recognize playing time is much more important than just sitting on the bench at their parent club. In fact, our four loan signings played a total of 106 matches for us in the season, just goes to show how valuable they can be, and Victor Palsson came back once again the following season on loan and played a further 34 games. Alexis Nikolas, our first ever signing, on a free, played 35 matches during the season and added steel and guile to our midfield. He had been with Chelsea for four years, but never played a game; released to Brighton in the Championship, he made 44 appearances over two years without scoring and was let go on a free to St Albans in the Blue Square Premier from whence we reeled him in. This is the way of life at the bottom, surviving on the scraps; the shrimps the big fish throw overboard; dining on the krill, before the whales and sharks gobble it all up; attempting to turn  Abyssobrotula Galatheae  into beautiful, sleek, fast swimming Dolphins. (is it possible??)

Tutoring

Approach as many of the senior players and request they tutor the youngsters. Nearly all will be delighted and ready to help. Attempt to match positions and personality types. You will find this goes down a treat. The younger players will learn and become friends with their mentors if all goes well. This has the added effect of creating squad harmony. The younger players will learn and the older ones will be happy to impart their knowledge and will appreciate being asked by you. Just be careful not to match volatile personality types, but for the most part, tutoring can only but help the club and draw them closer together as a unit.

Summary

So when all is said and done … as the saying goes … just where did we finish ? Remember the Board wished for a straight return to League One, and despite backing me all the way, I was still afraid I was only going to last only the one year. As the season wound down, and March saw us winless in four, I thought the barnacles were on the anchor, and knew it to be impossible. Even four wins and a draw in our last six matches did not matter. I anticipated I would be walking the plank at the end of the season … our lack of goals (as fore-seen) only 50 in the league, was a sore we were unable to heal. At the end, we finished 9^th, and I feared the powers that be would cast me overboard.

The only reason, I gathered why they let me survive to fight again the next season, was that I had built up a good relationship with the team, the players, the Board themselves, and kept slowly, slowly, slowly building.

They gave me another chance … another chance to avoid the jellyfish and the barracudas that prey on the weak, another chance to struggle for oxygen and to sorely glimpse the light far above at the surface ….. but I knew it was a chance I had to take next year …. I knew next season I had to rise to League One at the very very least … I knew … if I failed … by next season’s end … I would be the one sealed up in Davy Jones’ Locker …  the rusted key dissolved in the sandy brine below the Titanic … and me … a barnacle-encrusted relic … telling tall salty tales in the local coffee house ….

(the tales of eamonn o’hanlon)